Wednesday, January 2, 2013

My perspective on 'Endings....'

(The below piece was written by me as an entry to a contest with the theme 'Endings'. I started to write it but couldn't finish it in time....finally did it today and hence sharing it with my readers...)

“Pa, are you asleep?”

I gently make an entry into his bedroom at 4:45 am at dawn.

“Huh? No. I am not. Actually, I am waiting for you to say good bye.”

I hear him mumble while he pretends to make his sheets proper. I can tell that he is hiding his face and the tears that follow.

“I am leaving, Pa. I shall be back soon.” My typical good-bye line to my bed ridden father every time I leave my parents’ home in Goa after a cherished sojourn.

“Yes…” He tries to recollect the words. “Take care. Take care of the kids and God bless you all. Drive safely and call when you reach.” He, yet again, makes a futile attempt to hide his face and the consequent moans.

I leave his room with a heavy heart; heavier than the baggage I am carrying. It’s been virtually a couple of years since he is entirely bedbound because of medical complications related to Peripheral Neuropathy, completely disturbing his mobility.  And I am not the kind of daughter who has a sturdy and stout heart to see him suffering. So, I make a hasty exit, without any embrace or an effort in calming him.

I arrive back to my home in Mumbai and give up to the demands of my mundane routine. Once a while, I call my Mom to check on my Dad and that’s it. I know I should be there sometimes, just to help her deal with my Dad’s ailment. But I choose not to. As I said, I am just not made for it and however hard I try, I can’t convince myself for it.

Two months later, one demanding afternoon I get a panic call. My Pa is no more… that’s what it conveys.

 I shatter…I break…I shout… I cry…I scream…

Nothing works. He doesn’t come back. That was an End…one of its own. It made me realise the harsh truth…the difference between the present and the past tense that I once studied in school. The transition from ‘My Pa is…” to “My Pa was…”

Some endings, where our breathes are literally exposed to the revelation of tough winds and pouring rain, cannot be imagined, just simply tolerated. Such endings create a perpetual void in our lives yet we have to give up to the demands of the present-day and continue breathing; in persistent shadow of the bygone.

Nonetheless, there are several other endings that we learn from, and that teach us to appreciate the things that mean so much to us. From time to time we haven't reflected enough to comprehend. The ending, thus, might facilitate a significant exposé.

The ending might coerce us to communicate something distinct or substantial. The ending might prepare us to take a chance to convey someone how we truly feel. The ending, firmly from retrospection, might be seen as a decisive step in our lives. Endings, additionally, can be seen as an essential utility in the enrichment of abilities to let go; so we may procure the fresh new thing.

The actual challenge is when a decent thing has concluded and it is to be substituted by a not-so-decent thing. Then we fight with a sense of pointlessness and negativity. Occasionally, we cannot see the worthy beyond the thing we must let go of. But it's amazing how frequently our pessimism might deceive the truth.

As one door bangs shut, new doors are meant to open. This is when trust is necessary. To hope for something yet not evident. Endings, hence, aid to stimulate our reliance, by giving us the chance to rehearse for hope and betterment!

Finally, as said in Bhagawad Gita:

“कर्मणये वाधिकारस्ते मां फलेषु कदाचन । मां कर्मफलहेतुर्भू: मांते संङगोस्त्वकर्मणि ।। 

Your right is to work only, but never to its fruits; let not the fruits of action be thy motive, nor let thy attachment be to inaction!”

Image courtesy: Google Images

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